Nice Rack

Because "Tits McGee" just didn't seem appropriate.

"Honest"

I'd like to take this opportunity to quote Weird Al:

"And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Let me tell you once again - who's fat?"

Mystery Guest

Maybe it's Walt Disney in there. Or Elvis. Or Jimmy Hoffa?

Dueling Tombstones

I present to you tombstone "A":


And tombstone "B":


Which is wreckier? Tombstone A looks to be in the lead because of that giant cloud thing on the top, but wait! Tombstone B comes back with one important detail - it's missing the other person. That's right. The victim on Tombstone B is celebrating tons of precious memories.. with himself. We have a winner.

A Close Encounter

Beam me up, God.

Horsin' Around

Why the long face?

HA HAHA HA HAHAHA!!!

Oh, I know why. There are only 39 stars on that ridiculously elongated flag.

Politically Incorrect

I vote we update this one to say "him/her".

While we're at it, I think we should just edit the whole damn thing and change it to "Are any of you sad?"

Then I would no longer be sad and therefore would not need to pray.

It's Tough Being a Girl

"Son" would've fit perfectly. We've seen this before - check out What's Up Daug.

At least "daug" sounded cool. "Dau" is just plain sad. And lame.

Poor Planning

The tree is totally winning.

"GAY"

I'm gay? The people buried here were gay? The ivy is gay?

Your face is gay.

I See Dead People

This goes down as the creepiest and therefore one of the coolest tombstones I've seen.

I love that the "man" on the top totally looks like a ghost. It's flair that is timeless.

Big Brother

Because God is watching you.

Like the Truman Show.

Neighbors

Not pictured - the tombstone next to this one:

CARING FATHER
"Pussy"

Claw Your Way to the Top

I wasn't aware that angels were equipped with lobster claw hands.

Is that in the bible somewhere?

Horse Play

Look into the horse's eye...

You will do what the horse tells you to do. You will construct for him an expensive tombstone. You will adorn it with lovely flowers in the hopes that you do not anger the horse. If you do not do the horse's bidding, the horse will come back as a zombie horse and traipse mud all over your kitchen floor.

Give and Take

But we're not bitter...

Aim High

Look at the hunter's head. Really look at it.

It seems his face has tried to run away but only made it about five inches off his severely crushed skull.

Perhaps all this explains why he's aiming about 2 feet under that deer.

For All Y'all Texans

Did you hear the one about the Aggie pilot?

Kaboom

First, I'd like to commend the tombstone guy for utilizing the space on the flower holder (or is that the fishing pole holder?) - excellent work.

Next, I'd like to comment on the large mushroom cloud. Apparently the deer thinks he can outrun the blast, but according to my research*, he should duck and cover under that log.

*Timmy and Jane seem to be safe under their desks in government filmstrips.

Appropriate

Flair that illustrates a surname - awesome.

I can't wait to find tombstones for the Dick family. And the Bush family.

Travel Tip

Because heaven is so overrated...

Literally

Tombstone Guy: "We've got the truck on one side, so what do you want on the other side?"

Wreckers: "Oh, um, just throw his tools on there."

Into the Light

DAMMIT! How in the hell are we supposed to look at Christmas lights?

Vroom

Before you all start sending me hate mail about picking on some poor kid's grave, this tombstone belongs to an adult male*.

Seems innocent enough, right? Nice angel, nice rose, but what's that hiding down there in the corner?

Of course, the nice race car.


*Let's face it. If it belonged to a kid, I still would've posted it. It's my blog. So there.

Chew On This

The fish is okay, but check out the top corner:


Yes. We have found the impossible. It's can-o-snuff flair.

Custom Order

Surely those juggling pins weren't listed in the standard tombstone flair catalog.

Generation Gap

Just imagine, years from now, people quoting their favorite Lady GaGa songs on their tombstones...

Crime Does Pay

Okay, a motorcycle, I can do this no problem. Here's the wheels, and the handlebars, and the seat..

Damn, I can't draw the engine because it's all complicated and full of lines and stuff. I'll just leave that blank and say the bike was left unattended in a bad part of town.

Censored

What could be hiding under that gray box? Hmmmm. It starts with F and rhymes with "sucker"...

HA! I had you going for a minute.

No, there's not really a curse word under there. But I do love the fact that the tombstone guy left out the space between big and mother, especially since he had like a mile of space in which to fit this lovely nickname.

Obviously

Okay, okay, I know this is the last name of the victims, but I just can't help but see this as "tombs" misspelled pointing out that there are indeed tombs here.

Get a Tissue

Because no one knows how to spell "gesundheit".