Wednesday, December 30, 2009

What's Up Daug

I have one word for the maker of this tombstone, and that word is lazy. No, crafty. No, logical, but stupid. Right. So I guess I have three words.

Apparently the tombstone guy was afraid "daughter" wouldn't quite fit on the heart, so he chopped the word in half and then (genius) repeated it to make it seem legit. Obviously there's room for the whole word "daughter" under those dates.

On the up side, this daughter now has the most hip tombstone in the cemetery, yo.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

All Gone

Because "gone off and died" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Monday, December 28, 2009


Allow me to explain what happened here:

1. Husband and wife pick out tombstone.
2. Husband dies first and wife decides to add appropriate flair.
3. Wife chooses roses for herself, because she's such a sweet flower.
4. Wife studies flair catalog intently, and finds the perfect image for her beloved husband...

...a dog.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Ready, Aim, FIRE!

Deer hunting tombstones are bad enough, but here it appears as though someone was hunting the deer on the actual tombstone.*

*See bullet hole.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Going Up

Unless of course you're stuck in the heavenly elevator, in which case it's Kenny G's.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Holiday Headstone

Enjoy this festive tombstone that instructs us to "learn something". I've just learned that there are two moons. Or maybe suns. I've also learned that sparkly gold paint looks great on everything.

Merry Xmas everyone!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Come Sail Away

On this lovely xmas eve, we'd like to present you with this gift:
a crooked boat stuck in a spider web on top of some spilled milk.

What, you don't like it? Just wait, we're not done yet. It comes with its very own theme music. Enjoy.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Occupational Hazard

Oh please please pleeeeease let us find a tombstone done by this same, er, artist, that's for a janitor.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Simpsons Did It

As if the barren landscape weren't wrecky enough, this tombstone guy by some stroke of creative genius decided to add a grown-up Bart Simpson with a fishing pole.

Bra. Vo.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Damn the Man!

Okay, this wreck actually pisses me off. This man served our country and the government has the nerve to issue him a grave marker with a glaring typo in the date of death. It's not a piece of paper in a typewriter, it's a tombstone! You can't just carve over the wrong number with the right one! The Department of Veterans Affairs cranks out thousands of these things - you can't tell me they ran out of marble to make a new one. Freaking amazing.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Big Mouth

I guess "B" is for big mouth bass.

Does anyone else hear Rodney Dangerfield when looking at this wreck?

"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it."

Friday, December 18, 2009


Hmmmmm, let's see, it's a tombstone for a Christian wolf?
A dog who ate Christians?
A Christian guy who loved the Big Bad Wolf?
Ah, the mystery..

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Give Us Some More Credit

Just a reminder: it's a tombstone, not a yearbook.

What we have here is yet another example of the "I paid for it so dammit my name is going on it, too" syndrome. Check out Give Us Some Credit for more attention whores.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

For The Birds

This is what we here at Tomb Wrecks like to call a jackpot. With the carpentry flair and the crazy kid names, the wreckitude* is almost blinding.

Based on the flair I think it's safe to assume that the victim spent his life building little birdhouses that look like churches. Based on the children's names I think it's safe to assume that the victim enjoyed drinking beers and shooting at all the birds.

*Yeah, it's a word. A made up one.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Face It

It's bad enough to have your nickname follow you to the grave.

It's worse when said nickname is in ALL CAPS, italics, and twice the size of your actual name.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Virgin Returns

We are happy to report that the Virgin Mary has returned! A protective glass security door has been installed to prevent her from sneaking out to TP neighboring tombstones.

For those of you who missed out on the missing Mary, check out Virgin Alarm. Peace be with you.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Let It Be.. A Wreck

Perhaps someone should have heeded the "let it be" advice when selecting the rock guitar and paintbrush flair.
Perhaps someone should have heeded that advice when deciding to paint the letters bright white.
Perhaps the decorative flourishes look like sickly dolphins.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The "Sleeping" Mexican

Should I be offended? Should you?

Is the person sleeping or "sleeping"?

Is that sheep friendly or eyeing his next meal?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Feelin' Froggy

I know of no better way to say "mother, friend, and follower of Jesus Christ" than with a stoned frog wearing a flower.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Coppertone Christ

Here we see Jesus basking in the glow of the victim. I thought Christ could only work on his tan when standing under God, but as long he remembers to moisturize I guess it's okay. We can also see that his hands are raised in an attempt to flag down a beach waiter so he can get a refill on his virgin daiquiri. HA! Virgin! His drink probably comes with a little Mary-on-a-stick instead of an umbrella.

Friday, December 4, 2009


I like to bake but that doesn't mean I want a f*cking oven carved into my headstone.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Run With It

What, like in a 5k?

Angels do not run to their destinations; they have freaking wings. They fly.

Also, note that the chosen flair is butterflies. Yeah, again, wings. Perhaps some Nike Shox would have been more appropriate.*

*The day we find Nike Shox on a tombstone will be a proud day indeed.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wanted: Proofreader

You'd think someone would check these things before carving them into stone for all eternity.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Book of George

I had no idea George Strait's country hits came from the bible. Hmmm. I guess you learn something new everyday.