Wednesday, December 30, 2009

What's Up Daug

I have one word for the maker of this tombstone, and that word is lazy. No, crafty. No, logical, but stupid. Right. So I guess I have three words.

Apparently the tombstone guy was afraid "daughter" wouldn't quite fit on the heart, so he chopped the word in half and then (genius) repeated it to make it seem legit. Obviously there's room for the whole word "daughter" under those dates.

On the up side, this daughter now has the most hip tombstone in the cemetery, yo.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

All Gone

Because "gone off and died" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Monday, December 28, 2009


Allow me to explain what happened here:

1. Husband and wife pick out tombstone.
2. Husband dies first and wife decides to add appropriate flair.
3. Wife chooses roses for herself, because she's such a sweet flower.
4. Wife studies flair catalog intently, and finds the perfect image for her beloved husband...

...a dog.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Ready, Aim, FIRE!

Deer hunting tombstones are bad enough, but here it appears as though someone was hunting the deer on the actual tombstone.*

*See bullet hole.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Going Up

Unless of course you're stuck in the heavenly elevator, in which case it's Kenny G's.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Holiday Headstone

Enjoy this festive tombstone that instructs us to "learn something". I've just learned that there are two moons. Or maybe suns. I've also learned that sparkly gold paint looks great on everything.

Merry Xmas everyone!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Come Sail Away

On this lovely xmas eve, we'd like to present you with this gift:
a crooked boat stuck in a spider web on top of some spilled milk.

What, you don't like it? Just wait, we're not done yet. It comes with its very own theme music. Enjoy.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Occupational Hazard

Oh please please pleeeeease let us find a tombstone done by this same, er, artist, that's for a janitor.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Simpsons Did It

As if the barren landscape weren't wrecky enough, this tombstone guy by some stroke of creative genius decided to add a grown-up Bart Simpson with a fishing pole.

Bra. Vo.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Damn the Man!

Okay, this wreck actually pisses me off. This man served our country and the government has the nerve to issue him a grave marker with a glaring typo in the date of death. It's not a piece of paper in a typewriter, it's a tombstone! You can't just carve over the wrong number with the right one! The Department of Veterans Affairs cranks out thousands of these things - you can't tell me they ran out of marble to make a new one. Freaking amazing.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Big Mouth

I guess "B" is for big mouth bass.

Does anyone else hear Rodney Dangerfield when looking at this wreck?

"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it."

Friday, December 18, 2009


Hmmmmm, let's see, it's a tombstone for a Christian wolf?
A dog who ate Christians?
A Christian guy who loved the Big Bad Wolf?
Ah, the mystery..

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Give Us Some More Credit

Just a reminder: it's a tombstone, not a yearbook.

What we have here is yet another example of the "I paid for it so dammit my name is going on it, too" syndrome. Check out Give Us Some Credit for more attention whores.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

For The Birds

This is what we here at Tomb Wrecks like to call a jackpot. With the carpentry flair and the crazy kid names, the wreckitude* is almost blinding.

Based on the flair I think it's safe to assume that the victim spent his life building little birdhouses that look like churches. Based on the children's names I think it's safe to assume that the victim enjoyed drinking beers and shooting at all the birds.

*Yeah, it's a word. A made up one.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Face It

It's bad enough to have your nickname follow you to the grave.

It's worse when said nickname is in ALL CAPS, italics, and twice the size of your actual name.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Virgin Returns

We are happy to report that the Virgin Mary has returned! A protective glass security door has been installed to prevent her from sneaking out to TP neighboring tombstones.

For those of you who missed out on the missing Mary, check out Virgin Alarm. Peace be with you.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Let It Be.. A Wreck

Perhaps someone should have heeded the "let it be" advice when selecting the rock guitar and paintbrush flair.
Perhaps someone should have heeded that advice when deciding to paint the letters bright white.
Perhaps the decorative flourishes look like sickly dolphins.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The "Sleeping" Mexican

Should I be offended? Should you?

Is the person sleeping or "sleeping"?

Is that sheep friendly or eyeing his next meal?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Feelin' Froggy

I know of no better way to say "mother, friend, and follower of Jesus Christ" than with a stoned frog wearing a flower.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Coppertone Christ

Here we see Jesus basking in the glow of the victim. I thought Christ could only work on his tan when standing under God, but as long he remembers to moisturize I guess it's okay. We can also see that his hands are raised in an attempt to flag down a beach waiter so he can get a refill on his virgin daiquiri. HA! Virgin! His drink probably comes with a little Mary-on-a-stick instead of an umbrella.

Friday, December 4, 2009


I like to bake but that doesn't mean I want a f*cking oven carved into my headstone.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Run With It

What, like in a 5k?

Angels do not run to their destinations; they have freaking wings. They fly.

Also, note that the chosen flair is butterflies. Yeah, again, wings. Perhaps some Nike Shox would have been more appropriate.*

*The day we find Nike Shox on a tombstone will be a proud day indeed.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wanted: Proofreader

You'd think someone would check these things before carving them into stone for all eternity.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Book of George

I had no idea George Strait's country hits came from the bible. Hmmm. I guess you learn something new everyday.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Oh Pooh

Copyright infringement is just so in right now, so why not include it on a tombstone?

Let me walk you through what happened here:
Wreckers ask for Winnie the Pooh flair on tombstone.
Tombstone guy hits Google image search to locate graphic.
Wreckers decide Pooh should be an angel.
Tombstone guy removes 'hunny' pot and replaces it with some sort of weird heart balloon, changes a log into a cloud, and then throws on some wings and a halo.
Voila! Instant Pooh Angel! {snickers}

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Behave Yourself

This family felt it necessary to remind this guy to "be good" in heaven!?

Kind of makes you wonder what he did while he was here..

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Friday, November 27, 2009

Power Trip

Tombstone Guy: "Sure, I can do a landscape. How about a lake, or some nice mountains?"

Wreckers: "Nah, we want something that screams eternal peace. Put the camper on there, add some golf, and don't forget the gigantic power lines overhead."

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanks Dude

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today we are thankful for good friends. Friends that will use technology to treat our tombstones like letter jackets. Friends that appreciate our sweet ride. Friends that will bring us beers for the after life.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

Big Bang

Wow! I never thought I would be so lucky as to stumble upon a wreck of this caliber. [bah-dum-CHING!]

The photo-realistic deer is fabulous. And kudos to the victim, who had the courage to stand up and say, "To hell with sissy roses, put my damned gun on there, and put it right on top!"

Sunday, November 22, 2009



Sorry, I'll compose myself.


We dared to dream that we would someday find one, and, well, dreams do come true!

I guess there's only one thing left to say, and that of course is "Goodbye Joe & Hello".*

*We have no idea what in the hell that means.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Duh-DUM. Duh-DUM.

Look out, it's a land shark! A land shark.

I like to picture the shark flying off the ground and gulping down the eagle in one big bite. {flop flop flop AIEEEEEEEEEE... chomp.}

Friday, November 20, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Looking at this wreck is like staring directly at the sun - the wreckiness is almost blinding.

Let's start with the "worlds greatest father". We're definitely missing an apostrophe. And the quotes make us wonder... are they serious? Or is it {major hand gesture air quotes} "world's greatest father" haha yeah right?

Now let's discuss "Chicago Bulls Fan". Really!? Since we're obviously going for classy, why not go one step further and just stuff a giant foam finger into that empty vase thingy?

What about the completely different fonts? And what's up with the metal part glued to the stone part? Oh damn it's burning my retinas!! LOOK AWAY!!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


What this looks like: a tombstone for a bison named Chief.

What this is: a tombstone for a guy not named Chief. Really.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When Ninjas Attack

This is a perfectly nice tombstone.


Who the hell is Leon?

His name just snuck in there at the top. In a totally different lettering style. I assure you the victim's last name is nothing close to "Leon".

Maybe he made the stone and felt it necessary to sign his work. Maybe he paid for the stone.

I think maybe he's a ninja.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Spaced Out

Damn. I have to put in this "y" but the "k" is just so swoopy and pokey outey at the bottom.

{scratching head}

Guess I'll just put a huge space between them and hope that people focus on the guitar.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

High Class

After much thought, I have decided I just can't top Jason's remark as we came upon this tombstone in the cemetery:

"I think I saw that on the side of a van once."

Well said.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Deep in the Heart

YEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWW!!!! That there is some Texas flair!

For those of you not familiar with the area, what we have here are some longhorns and an oil rig.

Likelihood of these gentlemen being buried in cowboy hats? I'm going with 83%.