Monday, November 30, 2009

Oh Pooh

Copyright infringement is just so in right now, so why not include it on a tombstone?

Let me walk you through what happened here:
Wreckers ask for Winnie the Pooh flair on tombstone.
Tombstone guy hits Google image search to locate graphic.
Wreckers decide Pooh should be an angel.
Tombstone guy removes 'hunny' pot and replaces it with some sort of weird heart balloon, changes a log into a cloud, and then throws on some wings and a halo.
Voila! Instant Pooh Angel! {snickers}

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Behave Yourself

This family felt it necessary to remind this guy to "be good" in heaven!?

Kind of makes you wonder what he did while he was here..

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Friday, November 27, 2009

Power Trip

Tombstone Guy: "Sure, I can do a landscape. How about a lake, or some nice mountains?"

Wreckers: "Nah, we want something that screams eternal peace. Put the camper on there, add some golf, and don't forget the gigantic power lines overhead."

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanks Dude

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today we are thankful for good friends. Friends that will use technology to treat our tombstones like letter jackets. Friends that appreciate our sweet ride. Friends that will bring us beers for the after life.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

Big Bang

Wow! I never thought I would be so lucky as to stumble upon a wreck of this caliber. [bah-dum-CHING!]

The photo-realistic deer is fabulous. And kudos to the victim, who had the courage to stand up and say, "To hell with sissy roses, put my damned gun on there, and put it right on top!"

Sunday, November 22, 2009



Sorry, I'll compose myself.


We dared to dream that we would someday find one, and, well, dreams do come true!

I guess there's only one thing left to say, and that of course is "Goodbye Joe & Hello".*

*We have no idea what in the hell that means.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Duh-DUM. Duh-DUM.

Look out, it's a land shark! A land shark.

I like to picture the shark flying off the ground and gulping down the eagle in one big bite. {flop flop flop AIEEEEEEEEEE... chomp.}

Friday, November 20, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Looking at this wreck is like staring directly at the sun - the wreckiness is almost blinding.

Let's start with the "worlds greatest father". We're definitely missing an apostrophe. And the quotes make us wonder... are they serious? Or is it {major hand gesture air quotes} "world's greatest father" haha yeah right?

Now let's discuss "Chicago Bulls Fan". Really!? Since we're obviously going for classy, why not go one step further and just stuff a giant foam finger into that empty vase thingy?

What about the completely different fonts? And what's up with the metal part glued to the stone part? Oh damn it's burning my retinas!! LOOK AWAY!!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


What this looks like: a tombstone for a bison named Chief.

What this is: a tombstone for a guy not named Chief. Really.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When Ninjas Attack

This is a perfectly nice tombstone.


Who the hell is Leon?

His name just snuck in there at the top. In a totally different lettering style. I assure you the victim's last name is nothing close to "Leon".

Maybe he made the stone and felt it necessary to sign his work. Maybe he paid for the stone.

I think maybe he's a ninja.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Spaced Out

Damn. I have to put in this "y" but the "k" is just so swoopy and pokey outey at the bottom.

{scratching head}

Guess I'll just put a huge space between them and hope that people focus on the guitar.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

High Class

After much thought, I have decided I just can't top Jason's remark as we came upon this tombstone in the cemetery:

"I think I saw that on the side of a van once."

Well said.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Deep in the Heart

YEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWW!!!! That there is some Texas flair!

For those of you not familiar with the area, what we have here are some longhorns and an oil rig.

Likelihood of these gentlemen being buried in cowboy hats? I'm going with 83%.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Up, Up, and Away

Since when do angels need balloons to fly!? I kind of thought that's where those wings would kick in.

Oh, and check out the angle of the balloons in comparison to the angel. Go ahead, I'll wait.

{magazine pages flipping}

Did you see!? If everything we're seeing here is accurate, then we are definitely looking at an angel crawling on the ground holding balloons that have just enough helium left to float them about 2 feet off the floor.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Garage Sale

Tombstone Guy: "So, what would you like on his tombstone? We can do praying hands, a cross, or some nice roses."

Wreckers: "Meh. We want something classy."

Tombstone Guy: "Okay, how about the contents of his garage?"

Wreckers: "Well, that would be his loud-ass Firebird, an old basketball used for drunken games of horse, and a drum kit from 1982 used in his band, 'Loud-Ass Firebird'."

Tombstone Guy: "Done, done, and done."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Here, There, Everywhere Flair!

It's humpday on Flair Week! We have some special flair treats for you...

A dolphin:
A dog and horseshoe:
A dirtbike:
And a penguin:

Apparently the catalog at the tombstone store is absolutely jam-packed with flair options, and some folks forget that they are indeed ordering a permanent stone monument and not a tasty birthday cake that will be eaten in a matter of hours.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Something's Fishy

This gentlemen has reeled in a keeper! Nothing says "rest in peace" like a big, ugly catfish.

I'd also like to point out that his wife selected a rose for her flair. What the hell? There are already three other roses, and Mr. Catfish certainly opened the door for some creative flair selections:
Sewing machine? Sure!
Piano? You got it!
Sasquatch? Go for it!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Dearly Departed

Now that there is some deer flair!

Potential inspirations for said flair:

1. This man liked to sneak up behind large hoofed animals and blast them with a shotgun.

2. This man requested beer cans on his tombstone, which his wife immediately vetoed and replaced with flowers, so this was the compromise.

3. He was just such a dear! Get it? *maniacal giggling*

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Get Schooled

Okay class, who can tell me whats wrong with this tombstone? Whats missing?
If you answered "what{insert apostrophe}s" you are correct! If not, then I can't wait to see what your tombstone looks like.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009

Greater Than Less Than

Jesus looks concerned.
Perhaps it's because he kind of thought he was the greatest man that ever lived.
Tough break, Jesus.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Separation Anxiety

Well, at least one is. The other appears to still be with us on this side of the rainbow.

Yes, together forever, except for right now.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Book of What?

Oh, wreck, how I love thee. Let us count the ways...

1. Bible verses are a lovely addition to any tombstone, and especially popular are passages from the book of Joan. Wait, JOAN?!!

2. Let's be honest. This thing looks like it's been carved out of bologna.

3. Jesus is sans cross and instead is 'nailed' directly into the delicious lunchmeat, which apparently isn't strong enough to hold his weight giving us the never before seen "Leaning Tower of Jesus".

4. In a cunning attempt to correct the John/Joan issue, the top of the "A" in Joan has been "whited out" with paint.

Freaking brilliant.