The Blues Part 2

You know that blue chalk stuff that carpenters use? Apparently it's great for coloring your tombstone!

I feel like I need to hit this with the hose to rinse the chalk off.

Vs.

A household divided.

The Blues

This just in from Tomb Wrecks reader Neil R. - he has assured me that the grass and the John Deere tractor are indeed blue.

I personally enjoy the shape of the stone. It looks as though someone got a new power tool and was just dying to carve big chunks out of something.

Airhead

This angel has wings growing out of its head. I bet he's always picked last at angel sporting events.

Say Cheese

Oh trust me, with that full color laser etching, I'll never forget you.

IOU for Sunday

This is a Sunday success. A theme was chosen, and the flair illustrates it nicely.

I could never do this. It's like a tattoo. I'd like it for 6 months and then I'd want to swap it out with a new one.

Maybe they could install one of those rotating things like you see on billboards. One day my stone would have a cute girly skull with a bow on her head, and the next day you'd see a herd of wiener dogs tromping across there.

IOU for Saturday

That's unfortunate. Forget about 15 minutes; you'll be lucky to get 2.

Hot Stuff

Folks, I love me some tombstones. I do. But currently here in Texas it is 100 degrees out, which makes tomb hunting, um, damned near impossible.

I will continue to go through reader submissions and my archive, but they are running low.

I still plan to post something daily for you. Maybe an awesome wreck. Maybe a stone that just caught my eye.

And I promise, as soon as I drag my ass out of bed at 6am to get to a cemetery before the heat sets in and I burst into flames*, all of the posts will be truly Tomb Wreck worthy.

I feel compelled to mention that this is somehow all Meg's fault.

*This coming Saturday.

Ask and You Shall Receive Part 2

Here's the other nickname submission from explorer0713. I have to ask - do you just keep a library of tombstone pics handy to satisfy my every whim? Because if you do, well, that is awesome.

You are now my fruit noodle.

Ask and You Shall Receive Part 1

This just in from a reader - sickeningly sweet nicknames on tombstones.

Thank you, explorer0713*, for being so quick to answer the call.

*Not made up. I swear.

Adios (Mu)chacho

I love nickname stones. I am constantly on the lookout for one that says something ridiculous like Schnookywookums. Or Tons of Fun. Or Pumpkin Tits*.

*Mystery movie reference - anyone?

First Class Wreck

Today's wreck comes to us from Utah, where apparently first class is pretty affordable.

Let's examine the flair, shall we? It appears that this fat cat loved to kill stuff and gamble while wearing cowboy boots. But what's with the butterfly? Maybe he hunted those, too. In his boots. With a rifle.

Congrats, Jenn J., I think you get the award for best collection of flair on one tombstone.

Conflicted

Let's take a vote. Are they among us? Or are they home free?

Legacies

It's like a Leave A Legacy tile at Epcot. But not in a good way.

Missed

"We miss her in our home."

Mostly because she did all the vacuuming.

Reflections

Our first tombstone features rainbows. Or comets. Or a failed design from a 1980s tennis shoe*.

Our next exhibit features church windows, which look a bit phallic to me. Maybe I just need to get my head out of the gutter. Or maybe you all should join me.

I also enjoy the "Not our will but thine be done" inscription. It oozes contempt and bitterness while at the same time sounding very respectful and trusting. Brilliant.

*I loved my Roos! Anyone?

Double Your Pleasure

Thank you, Kate M., for these awesome tomb wrecks.

The first one features a wedding cake, which begs the question: Did this couple have a tombstone on their wedding cake?

As for the second wreck, I'd like to share Kate's views on the, um, sculpture:

"As for the cat, I choose to believe that the deceased was a cat lady who picked this out long before she died. She probably showed it to company, explaining, 'See, it's Mr. Miffles. He's looking for me in heaven.' The company sat there looking uncomfortable, while the real Mr. Miffles sat there licking himself."

Well said, Kate.

Anti Zombie

Afraid your loved one will come back as a zombie? No problem! Just add a few decorative garden stones and some lovely landscape lighting.

"it looks like a big Tylenol"

We think this is a fine example of flair done right. Awesome detail. Labeled. Not hideously misshapen.

And for those of you who don't understand the reference in the title of this wreck, here's one more:

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

Thi-nk About't

"An honest man's the nob-

lest work of God."


I find this wrecky simply due to the poor planning involved. Why not just spell out "man is" and move "noblest" to the second line?

For those of you thinking this isn't so bad, please keep in mind that I have a background in graphic design and this kind of stuff drives me absolutely bonkers.

Boring Book

I sure thought the Book of Life would have a fancier cover.
Maybe the back has something really cool on it...

...nope.

Sock it to me

Yes, it appears as though this man is fishing in his socks*. And judging by the hugeness of that fish, socks were probably a bad choice for proper traction.

*And his old man pants.

Hybrid

It's a koala-teddy. A koaleddy. A ted-a-koala.

F*ck it, it's manbearpig.

The Deep End

This just in... from a Tomb Wrecks reader!

Thanks, JM, for the deep thoughts.

Mistaken Identity

Which one is "Sissy"?

The angel with the misshapen head* and the way too tiny wings?

Or the llama/sheep?

*Seriously. It's like Stewie's head turned sideways. Yeesh.

Happy 4th

Yes, dream into destiny... or just go have a hot dog and watch some fireworks.

Update Your Calendars

Meeting has been postponed seeing as this person is not in heaven.  Yet*.

*I guess that's better than a change in the meeting location if you get my drift.

Tomb Hunt

We have not edited this photo at all. It really just says "Hunt".

These folks must really like to plan ahead.

Rewards

"Whoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

And kick-ass motorcycles.