Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I have one word for the maker of this tombstone, and that word is lazy. No, crafty. No, logical, but stupid. Right. So I guess I have three words.
Apparently the tombstone guy was afraid "daughter" wouldn't quite fit on the heart, so he chopped the word in half and then (genius) repeated it to make it seem legit. Obviously there's room for the whole word "daughter" under those dates.
On the up side, this daughter now has the most hip tombstone in the cemetery, yo.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Allow me to explain what happened here:
1. Husband and wife pick out tombstone.
2. Husband dies first and wife decides to add appropriate flair.
3. Wife chooses roses for herself, because she's such a sweet flower.
4. Wife studies flair catalog intently, and finds the perfect image for her beloved husband...
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Okay, this wreck actually pisses me off. This man served our country and the government has the nerve to issue him a grave marker with a glaring typo in the date of death. It's not a piece of paper in a typewriter, it's a tombstone! You can't just carve over the wrong number with the right one! The Department of Veterans Affairs cranks out thousands of these things - you can't tell me they ran out of marble to make a new one. Freaking amazing.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
This is what we here at Tomb Wrecks like to call a jackpot. With the carpentry flair and the crazy kid names, the wreckitude* is almost blinding.
Based on the flair I think it's safe to assume that the victim spent his life building little birdhouses that look like churches. Based on the children's names I think it's safe to assume that the victim enjoyed drinking beers and shooting at all the birds.
*Yeah, it's a word. A made up one.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
We are happy to report that the Virgin Mary has returned! A protective glass security door has been installed to prevent her from sneaking out to TP neighboring tombstones.
For those of you who missed out on the missing Mary, check out Virgin Alarm. Peace be with you.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Perhaps someone should have heeded the "let it be" advice when selecting the rock guitar and paintbrush flair.
Perhaps someone should have heeded that advice when deciding to paint the letters bright white.
Perhaps the decorative flourishes look like sickly dolphins.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Here we see Jesus basking in the glow of the victim. I thought Christ could only work on his tan when standing under God, but as long he remembers to moisturize I guess it's okay. We can also see that his hands are raised in an attempt to flag down a beach waiter so he can get a refill on his virgin daiquiri. HA! Virgin! His drink probably comes with a little Mary-on-a-stick instead of an umbrella.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
What, like in a 5k?
Angels do not run to their destinations; they have freaking wings. They fly.
Also, note that the chosen flair is butterflies. Yeah, again, wings. Perhaps some Nike Shox would have been more appropriate.*
*The day we find Nike Shox on a tombstone will be a proud day indeed.