Gone Huntin'

To my loyal fans (all ten of you):

I am out this weekend tomb hunting*. Enjoy your holiday weekend and I'll be back on Tuesday with brand new wrecks.

Yours,
Steph

*Also attending various BBQs.

Sweet

"Gone to a sweeter home."

Gramma Nut gave him a great deal on a place in the lollipop woods, but those gooey gumdrops make the commute a bitch.

The Joy of Carving

"I'm gonna put a happy little tree right here, and then a nice cloud here, and this barn over here is gonna be our little secret..."

Be Cool

I think "police officer" would have sounded more official.

And Then

The tombstone guy was in such a hurry* that he abbreviated the word "and".
I'm sure this "husband upside-down 4 father" really appreciates his h&y work.

*Wings concert?

misseD

I love that the wreckers listed their names right on the tombstone.

To hell with verb conjugation! Just get our names right!

Is there a mechanic in the house?

No amount of motor oil or transmission fluid* could bring back the beloved truck.

*This is the extent of my car knowledge. Perhaps I should have said antifreeze. Or Tide with bleach.

Stoned

These are a few of my favorite things:

The stone "bullseye".
The star "pasties".

The fact that someone signed the gravestone with a sharpie like you would a cast.

The fact that someone else tried to sign the top by carving into it, which wound up looking more like a keyed car.

CaPitAliZaTIon

is really complicated*.

*Don't even get me started on commas.

Tweety Done Wrong

What we have here is the rarely seen eternal copyright infringement stone.

I wanted to know why Tweety's head was so squished (putty tat?), so I did a little Google image search and found this:

That's right, with all the correctly proportioned images of Tweety out there to "borrow", these wreckers chose the one coloring page file that has been incorrectly scaled and stretched.  I guess they really wanted this image of Tweety hunting vampires (vampiwahs?).

Behind the Times

Tractors are so last season. Also what gives with the preemptive tombstone? It's not attached to any other family members 'next door' in the cemetery.

I can't wait to see what items* future generations choose to feature on tombstones.


*Probably iPhones.

Travel Tip II

We all know the old saying:

"When traveling to heaven, don't drink the water."

Inconsistent

Do we end these thoughts with a period? Or not?

Do we use a sans serif font? Or serifs?

Ah what the hell - just use 'em all.

Emoticon

This one is a little hidden folks. Click on the photo and check out the area below and to the right of the dates.

Adding :o) to a tombstone is, well, totally kick ass IMHO. It makes me wanna LOL, ROFL, TTL*, and BRB.

*Tax, title, and license.

Sci Fi Done Wrong

Those are the biggest f*cking birds I have ever seen.

Obviously the light house has been converted into some sort of bird death ray in an attempt to save the planet, but it's too late. The moon (or sun?) has already crashed into that cliff.

"You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

Can I Borrow a Pen?

Hello, and welcome to heaven! Before we get started on eternal bliss, harp lessons, bouncing on fluffy clouds, and so forth, we're gonna need you to sign these release forms.

SMRT

This is the ultimate in "stay in school" propaganda.

Dog Leg

Check out Frankendog with his mismatched legs! I guess the mad scientist screwed up his first attempt and had to borrow a leg from the neighbor's cat*.

*RIP Mittens.

Smells Funky Fresh

What better place to keep beautiful fresh flowers than in a stinky old boot?

{deep inhale}

AAAAAAAAHHHHHcough,hack,coughHHHHHHH.

Flair Overload

These folks took one look at the flair catalog and said, "Yes."

Check out the creepy solar powered light. You're welcome, Sabrina P.

More Fun With Music

This is a prime example of treble clef abuse. Also note* that there are music notes before and after one of the treble clefs. That's just not right.


*HA!

Long Live the Music

What we have here are the rarely seen billboard music notes, which of course are created when you play a stringless guitar.

Strike Two

These stones are side by side in the cemetery and belong to the same family.

As you can see, the first one is suffering from a little spacing issue. I can just hear the family when it came time to make the second stone:
"Can you please not run all the words together on the book? Or we might accidentally run some words together on your check. Thanks."

So the tombstone guy got all worked up and was super extra careful with the spacing on the second marker, only to completely omit the apostrophe.

"Dammit."

Good Memory

What, like she never accidentally left them at the mall?

Misspelled (?)

What's worse? Being nicknamed "Sketter", or being nicknamed "Skeeter" and having your name misspelled for all eternity?

Daffy

Yes, of course you chose Daffy Duck* for the tombstone. I can hear him now, yelling his heartwarming catch phrase...

"You're dispicable!"

*Why did they shave his head?

Thru the Years

Should we spell out "through"?

Nah, that's only for formal occasions.

"Easy"

Because "slut" seemed over the top.

Can't Spell

Apparently earth has a boat load of challenged spellers that heaven cannot heal.