Poetry in Motion

The truck will be dearly missed.

What's Up Daug

I have one word for the maker of this tombstone, and that word is lazy. No, crafty. No, logical, but stupid. Right. So I guess I have three words.

Apparently the tombstone guy was afraid "daughter" wouldn't quite fit on the heart, so he chopped the word in half and then (genius) repeated it to make it seem legit. Obviously there's room for the whole word "daughter" under those dates.

On the up side, this daughter now has the most hip tombstone in the cemetery, yo.

All Gone

Because "gone off and died" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Symbolism

Allow me to explain what happened here:

1. Husband and wife pick out tombstone.
2. Husband dies first and wife decides to add appropriate flair.
3. Wife chooses roses for herself, because she's such a sweet flower.
4. Wife studies flair catalog intently, and finds the perfect image for her beloved husband...

...a dog.

Ready, Aim, FIRE!

Deer hunting tombstones are bad enough, but here it appears as though someone was hunting the deer on the actual tombstone.*

*See bullet hole.

Going Up

Unless of course you're stuck in the heavenly elevator, in which case it's Kenny G's.

Holiday Headstone

Enjoy this festive tombstone that instructs us to "learn something". I've just learned that there are two moons. Or maybe suns. I've also learned that sparkly gold paint looks great on everything.

Merry Xmas everyone!

Come Sail Away

On this lovely xmas eve, we'd like to present you with this gift:
a crooked boat stuck in a spider web on top of some spilled milk.

What, you don't like it? Just wait, we're not done yet. It comes with its very own theme music. Enjoy.

Occupational Hazard

Oh please please pleeeeease let us find a tombstone done by this same, er, artist, that's for a janitor.

A Little Funny

Hmmm, as in, "Shut yer..?"

Simpsons Did It

As if the barren landscape weren't wrecky enough, this tombstone guy by some stroke of creative genius decided to add a grown-up Bart Simpson with a fishing pole.

Bra. Vo.

Damn the Man!

Okay, this wreck actually pisses me off. This man served our country and the government has the nerve to issue him a grave marker with a glaring typo in the date of death. It's not a piece of paper in a typewriter, it's a tombstone! You can't just carve over the wrong number with the right one! The Department of Veterans Affairs cranks out thousands of these things - you can't tell me they ran out of marble to make a new one. Freaking amazing.

Big Mouth

I guess "B" is for big mouth bass.

Does anyone else hear Rodney Dangerfield when looking at this wreck?

"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it."

Woof!

Hmmmmm, let's see, it's a tombstone for a Christian wolf?
A dog who ate Christians?
A Christian guy who loved the Big Bad Wolf?
Ah, the mystery..

Give Us Some More Credit

Just a reminder: it's a tombstone, not a yearbook.

What we have here is yet another example of the "I paid for it so dammit my name is going on it, too" syndrome. Check out Give Us Some Credit for more attention whores.

For The Birds

This is what we here at Tomb Wrecks like to call a jackpot. With the carpentry flair and the crazy kid names, the wreckitude* is almost blinding.

Based on the flair I think it's safe to assume that the victim spent his life building little birdhouses that look like churches. Based on the children's names I think it's safe to assume that the victim enjoyed drinking beers and shooting at all the birds.


*Yeah, it's a word. A made up one.

Here Kitty Kitty

A victim of curiosity?

Face It

It's bad enough to have your nickname follow you to the grave.

It's worse when said nickname is in ALL CAPS, italics, and twice the size of your actual name.

Profiling

*Full color laser etching not available.

Say I Do

I don't.

Bling Bling

Yes, those are sparkly gold stickers.

Yes, I am a huge fan.

The Disney Cemetery

We found this next to Bambi.

The Virgin Returns

We are happy to report that the Virgin Mary has returned! A protective glass security door has been installed to prevent her from sneaking out to TP neighboring tombstones.

For those of you who missed out on the missing Mary, check out Virgin Alarm. Peace be with you.

Let It Be.. A Wreck

Perhaps someone should have heeded the "let it be" advice when selecting the rock guitar and paintbrush flair.
Perhaps someone should have heeded that advice when deciding to paint the letters bright white.
Perhaps the decorative flourishes look like sickly dolphins.
Perhaps.

The "Sleeping" Mexican

Should I be offended? Should you?

Is the person sleeping or "sleeping"?

Is that sheep friendly or eyeing his next meal?

Feelin' Froggy

I know of no better way to say "mother, friend, and follower of Jesus Christ" than with a stoned frog wearing a flower.

Coppertone Christ

Here we see Jesus basking in the glow of the victim. I thought Christ could only work on his tan when standing under God, but as long he remembers to moisturize I guess it's okay. We can also see that his hands are raised in an attempt to flag down a beach waiter so he can get a refill on his virgin daiquiri. HA! Virgin! His drink probably comes with a little Mary-on-a-stick instead of an umbrella.

RAWR

I like to bake but that doesn't mean I want a f*cking oven carved into my headstone.

Run With It

What, like in a 5k?

Angels do not run to their destinations; they have freaking wings. They fly.

Also, note that the chosen flair is butterflies. Yeah, again, wings. Perhaps some Nike Shox would have been more appropriate.*


*The day we find Nike Shox on a tombstone will be a proud day indeed.

Wanted: Proofreader

You'd think someone would check these things before carving them into stone for all eternity.

Book of George

I had no idea George Strait's country hits came from the bible. Hmmm. I guess you learn something new everyday.

Oh Pooh

Copyright infringement is just so in right now, so why not include it on a tombstone?

Let me walk you through what happened here:
Wreckers ask for Winnie the Pooh flair on tombstone.
Tombstone guy hits Google image search to locate graphic.
Wreckers decide Pooh should be an angel.
Tombstone guy removes 'hunny' pot and replaces it with some sort of weird heart balloon, changes a log into a cloud, and then throws on some wings and a halo.
Voila! Instant Pooh Angel! {snickers}

Behave Yourself

This family felt it necessary to remind this guy to "be good" in heaven!?

Kind of makes you wonder what he did while he was here..

Mommy Dearest

That's nice, but where did you bury mother's body?

Power Trip

Tombstone Guy: "Sure, I can do a landscape. How about a lake, or some nice mountains?"

Wreckers: "Nah, we want something that screams eternal peace. Put the camper on there, add some golf, and don't forget the gigantic power lines overhead."

Thanks Dude

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today we are thankful for good friends. Friends that will use technology to treat our tombstones like letter jackets. Friends that appreciate our sweet ride. Friends that will bring us beers for the after life.

Magic Touch

The grim reaper was out sick that day.

Wake Up Call

Uh, I beg to differ..

Big Bang

Wow! I never thought I would be so lucky as to stumble upon a wreck of this caliber. [bah-dum-CHING!]

The photo-realistic deer is fabulous. And kudos to the victim, who had the courage to stand up and say, "To hell with sissy roses, put my damned gun on there, and put it right on top!"

Happy Trail..er

AAAAAHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Sorry, I'll compose myself.

Ahem. HOLY CRAP THERE'S A TRAILER ON THIS TOMBSTONE!

We dared to dream that we would someday find one, and, well, dreams do come true!

I guess there's only one thing left to say, and that of course is "Goodbye Joe & Hello".*


*We have no idea what in the hell that means.

candygram

Duh-DUM. Duh-DUM.

Look out, it's a land shark! A land shark.

I like to picture the shark flying off the ground and gulping down the eagle in one big bite. {flop flop flop AIEEEEEEEEEE... chomp.}

WHOA Nellie!

That horse damn near ran right through the dates!!

Wrecktastrophe!

Looking at this wreck is like staring directly at the sun - the wreckiness is almost blinding.

Let's start with the "worlds greatest father". We're definitely missing an apostrophe. And the quotes make us wonder... are they serious? Or is it {major hand gesture air quotes} "world's greatest father" haha yeah right?

Now let's discuss "Chicago Bulls Fan". Really!? Since we're obviously going for classy, why not go one step further and just stuff a giant foam finger into that empty vase thingy?

What about the completely different fonts? And what's up with the metal part glued to the stone part? Oh damn it's burning my retinas!! LOOK AWAY!!!

"Fail"

What this looks like: a tombstone for a bison named Chief.

What this is: a tombstone for a guy not named Chief. Really.

When Ninjas Attack

This is a perfectly nice tombstone.

Wait.

Who the hell is Leon?

His name just snuck in there at the top. In a totally different lettering style. I assure you the victim's last name is nothing close to "Leon".

Maybe he made the stone and felt it necessary to sign his work. Maybe he paid for the stone.

I think maybe he's a ninja.

Spaced Out

Damn. I have to put in this "y" but the "k" is just so swoopy and pokey outey at the bottom.

{scratching head}

Guess I'll just put a huge space between them and hope that people focus on the guitar.

High Class

After much thought, I have decided I just can't top Jason's remark as we came upon this tombstone in the cemetery:

"I think I saw that on the side of a van once."

Well said.

Deep in the Heart

YEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWW!!!! That there is some Texas flair!

For those of you not familiar with the area, what we have here are some longhorns and an oil rig.

Likelihood of these gentlemen being buried in cowboy hats? I'm going with 83%.