Happy New Year

Peace out 2010!

Thanks for the wreckage, Erin C.

Enlightening

I'm all for xmas lights - but a little thought and a little care (and some extension cords) go a long way.

This is a net light no-no. Just because you can throw it on a bush and it sticks does not mean it looks good. And by the way - we can't see the top of the bush, just the front and the sides.

Strings of lights are not extension cords. If you have to do this, at least make some sort of attempt to shove the lights down in the mulch.

It's not Halloween, people. And half of that string is out. Either shake the hell out of them to make them come back on or start using them as the sad spare bulb string.

Rimpy R. has found the ultimate in poor planning. No extension cords? No problem! And why bother with the sides? Or the trees? Or the windows?

Boz vs. Bevo

Here in Texas, we take our football pretty seriously. So seriously, in fact, that it infiltrates our xmas decor:

I realize to the non-Texan and/or non-football fan that this probably looks like a horrible accident playing out in someone's front yard in which a pickup truck rams into a steer causing a tremendous flinging of bloody truck and steer parts. You'd be absolutely correct.

The truck driver is from the University of Oklahoma and the steer is the famed Bevo from the University of Texas, which makes this gorefest charming and festive.*

*If you're an OU fan.

Blown Up

Ah, inflatables.

Rimpy R. was kind enough to stop and aid this poor snowman who has apparently been shot.

These sneaky snowmen stole Santa's sleigh for a joy ride and are about to face some serious consequences. Uh, fellas, the tree goes in the sleigh, not haphazardly tied to the back of it.

Toy Testers

Let's just say these elves probably need to be sent where the special elves work:

Rimpy R. found this little guy in a home improvement store.

I found this one pretending he knows how to read in someone's yard.

If you don't know who this elf is, then your xmas season is already a tremendous failure.

Santa?

Someone needs to tell the Chinese kids sewing these things together that Santa's beard is white*.

*Does anyone else have that episode from Family Guy running through their head where all the kids are arguing about Santa's ethnicity?

Ho Ho Ho Yee Haw

Greetings from Texas, where apparently instead of delivering gifts to all the good boys and girls, Santa prefers to wrangle armadillos.

O Xmas Tree(?)

Lindsay W. was kind enough to share this photo of her, uh, xmas tree:

I bet she drives one of those Scion toasters.

Jesus 25

Let's have a look at this nativity, shall we?

As you can see, "JESUS 25 THE REASON FOR THE SEASON (spaces) !" Apparently he is also the reason Mary has gone cross-eyed, which has Joseph rather alarmed.

Actually, Joseph is probably just terrified of that wise man's freakishly large hands, or the fact that the other two wise men look like they're about to explode due to some severe digestive problems.

Poker Face

Sorry kids! Santa lost all your toys to Prancer and Blitzen.

The Blues

Let's take a moment to bask in some warm holiday cheer just in from Rimpy R.:

Wow. That is one frosty lighting job. Those icicles look like little blue house fangs.

Fancy Pants

Yes, Santa, those pants do make you look fat.

Jingle Balls

Holiday decorating of this magnitude takes some pretty big balls.

Ouch

Oh, how adorable! A befuddled polar bear with a freshly squished penguin halfway up his ass.

Merry Christmas, kids!

A Clinton Family Christmas

Happy Holidays from Bill and Monica!

Stretchy Santa

Wow, Santa! That is a cool trick! I had no idea you could dive head first into one chimney and pop out of another. Maybe chimneys have some sort of stargate element* that allows this to happen.

*Attention nerds: go for it. Explain it to us. But please use words like "ZPM" and "replicator" and "mistletoe".

Don't Be Cruel

Allow me to share Valentine's xmas tree with you.

It's fuchsia. And fabulous.

Oh, and the Elvis ornaments? Too heavy for the tree, so they have to hang out around the bottom, with the dinosaur (naturally).

The bottle of tequila adds to the holiday charm, but I really want a candle sticking out of the top of it to add an element of fire danger (insert burning love joke here).

Delicious Recycling

Hey kids! You know that refrigerator box in the garage you claimed for fort making?

Well you might wanna take a closer look at the giant gingerbread man in the front yard.

Mowed Over

What's that I spy upon your roof so high?
Is it an angel, a tree, a festive snow blower?
Oh, silly me, it's a riding lawnmower.

Wreckage courtesy of Rimpy R.
Ridiculous poetry courtesy of me. And a rhyming dictionary.

Who says the holidays are depressing?

Meghan sent me these photos of her own holiday wreckage. Yep, she's volunteering for this.

That is one special angel on that tree(?) - Meghan tells me that it used to have hair. The angel, not the tree. Although either would most likely be an improvement. My favorite part? The tree to light ratio. That's my kind of holiday lighting.

Wow, Meghan. Martha Stewart would be proud. "A few tacks and a basket full of random crap can come together to create a beautiful holiday window. It's a good thing."

Merry and BRIGHT.

Valentine sent me these lovely holiday photos of her neighbor's house*.

I imagine this to be a bit like living next door to a carnival. Charming at first, but soon you want to stab someone with a candy cane to the tune of Jingle Bells.

Someone should check on that reindeer, I think he has the flu or something.


*EX neighbor.

Xmas with a Bang

Greetings from Texas, y'all! We're havin' a rootin' tootin' holiday season down here. In fact, if any of y'all aren't in a festive mood, Sheriff Santa will shoot you with his loaded candy canes*.

Still not feeling the holiday spirit? Well you better watch out, because Santa has deputized penguins all over town.

*I'd be careful - rumor has it that the sheriff has been hitting the egg nog pretty hard.

Ice Pops

Ooh, cute little snowmen in fun fruit flavors*!

*I'd stay away from the yellow ones.

Too Much Xmas Spirit

This bear's had one too many Coronas.

Happy Holidays!

It's time to send me your festive photos! Here are a few to get you started:

Inflatables aren't exactly my favorite holiday decoration, but I do find the wind puts them in some pretty interesting positions.

Painted plywood can be fun! Or horrifying!

Creativity scores big points with me, and this is pretty much a 10.

That's a lotta nuts!

Oh do I have a treat for everyone today from Valentine - NUTS!

Please notice the placement of the bottom, um, nut. May I also suggest checking out the phallic squirrel tail.

I've saved the best for last - let's take time to appreciate the victim's name - Lotta Wood.

All Aboard!

This just in from Jen - Tomb Wreck? Or train wreck?

I'm going with both, since the railroad ties seem to go missing at both ends of the train.

Holiday Wrecks

You have spoken. It is so.

Starting next week, Tomb Wrecks turns festive with wrecky holiday light displays!

I will be on the hunt this weekend for xmas wrecks, and I am confident I will find plenty to keep us amused throughout the holiday season. Of course I encourage your submissions*, and I suspect I'll be posting multiple photos each day to keep up.

Happy hunting and Merry Festivus!

*Also please keep sending tombstones. :)

Those Pesky Indians

Wow, Donna V., talk about politically incorrect!

Holiday Magic

Greetings, wreck fans! Thanksgiving break was awesome, but now it's back to business... or is it? I've been toying with an idea for Tomb Wrecks for the holidays. How would you feel about a few weeks of xmas decor wrecks*? Can you live for 3 weeks without tombstones? Comment and let me know.

Here's a wreck from Lindsay W. - it appears she had it gift wrapped for us.

*How fun will it be to hunt for bad/tacky/outrageous xmas light and decor displays!?

Happy Turkey Day!

May you all have a magical french horn that blows out wishes. I think I'll ask mine for extra gravy.

Thx, Jen!

Hypno-Jesus

This just in from WMD - Hypno-Jesus!

I'm convinced that when you stand in front of this grave, Jesus' eyes light up and spin and you hear a creepy sci-fi ray gun sound.

Double Take

We've seen bingo flair before, but this woman was obviously serious about her bingo. So serious, apparently, that one bingo card flair just wasn't enough.

Thanks, Megan, you hit the jackpot.

Jesus Rocks

Valentine sent us this rockin' Jesus wreck, and all I could think about was Superstar. Not the Jesus Christ one, the Mary Katherine Gallagher one:

SUPERSTAR!

When the Bough Breaks

Nothing says rest in peace like a dangerous cliff and a broken* dead tree.

Great job, WMD! You get the award for most depressing flair EVER.

*No wonder that tree broke - the top part is strangely wider than the rest of the trunk.

Crow?

I think you meant cardinal.

Thanks, Amy G. - maybe the flair guy had the bird flu.

Doggone It

Except that I won't see you in the morning.

Jen, this is the weirdest pet/person combo I have ever seen. Bravo.